I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just want nice things and good sex
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
