she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
