mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My penis needs a shock collar
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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