LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
