And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
