Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Of course I have a pirate flag
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize