Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We had to coat check the pizza.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
