She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
