Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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