I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
