Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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