She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
