the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
