I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
