I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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