Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
