Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
