I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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