Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
