I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
