Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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