anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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