Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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