If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
