I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
