I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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