I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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