yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
