I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
