i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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