Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize