i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
