apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
