i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
