How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
