I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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