She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
