i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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