i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
