The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
