I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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