She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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