Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
