how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
