Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
