Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
