just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
