the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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