real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She tied me up with her honor cords...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
