She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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