Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
