Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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