i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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