i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
