So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
