Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
