My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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