matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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