I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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