He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
