My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
