She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize