Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
