Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
