Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
