Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
