U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
