Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?

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  (970): Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet? http://tfl.nu/tasx
  Replies (3) Good night (1797) Bad night (606)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.

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  (308): It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail. http://tfl.nu/m40v
  Replies (18) Good night (1028) Bad night (4693)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight

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  (847): I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight http://tfl.nu/h3vp
  Replies (10) Good night (3930) Bad night (1006)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."

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  (801): What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director." http://tfl.nu/kql1
  Replies (7) Good night (947) Bad night (3875)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.

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  (305): You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican. http://tfl.nu/uy37
  Replies (5) Good night (2839) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.

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  (727): You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her. http://tfl.nu/lj37
  Replies (3) Good night (1024) Bad night (2627)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?

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  (785): Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference? http://tfl.nu/d4sd
  Replies (7) Good night (1927) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.

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  (413): I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened. http://tfl.nu/qzdq
  Replies (10) Good night (2701) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion

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  (203): I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion http://tfl.nu/g8mo
  Replies (11) Good night (2793) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.

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  (215): Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late. http://tfl.nu/c0zj
  Replies (0) Good night (465) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.

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  (903): I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat. http://tfl.nu/c6vl
  Replies (3) Good night (1016) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.

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  (573): Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls? (816): Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do. http://tfl.nu/ewbx
  Replies (2) Good night (1214) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard

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  (843): I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard http://tfl.nu/pmd0
  Replies (2) Good night (697) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger

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  (980): But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger http://tfl.nu/iewj
  Replies (1) Good night (597) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.

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  (305): He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest. http://tfl.nu/byar
  Replies (5) Good night (549) Bad night (263)

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