Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.

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  (630): If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her. http://tfl.nu/sljo
  Replies (30) Good night (556) Bad night (2342)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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  (505): I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled. http://tfl.nu/wz50
  Replies (11) Good night (2892) Bad night (595)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night

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  (202): i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night http://tfl.nu/pk50
  Replies (13) Good night (4735) Bad night (690)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.

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  (281): Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high. http://tfl.nu/02yt
  Replies (19) Good night (3640) Bad night (848)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

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  (702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56
  Replies (32) Good night (8703) Bad night (959)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."

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  (407): We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression." http://tfl.nu/hom0
  Replies (11) Good night (1117) Bad night (4047)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people

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  (612): I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people http://tfl.nu/8cwf
  Replies (28) Good night (1267) Bad night (5429)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...

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  (804): Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared... http://tfl.nu/czen
  Replies (3) Good night (3475) Bad night (900)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you

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  (314): I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you http://tfl.nu/08lz
  Replies (3) Good night (3809) Bad night (759)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me

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  (717): got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me http://tfl.nu/g14l
  Replies (6) Good night (4050) Bad night (959)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.

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  (952): Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost. http://tfl.nu/9cwp
  Replies (3) Good night (810) Bad night (1060)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.

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  (719): I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in. http://tfl.nu/k5k2
  Replies (11) Good night (2295) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.

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  (720): Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up. http://tfl.nu/96a6
  Replies (8) Good night (1548) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Who is our new insurance provider?

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  (978): FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning. (978): Who is our new insurance provider? http://tfl.nu/a2lj
  Replies (3) Good night (760) Bad night (254)
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  (562): View more from California

  Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around

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  (562): Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around http://tfl.nu/8h5l
  Replies (4) Good night (289) Bad night (525)

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