Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs

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  (908): im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs http://tfl.nu/kfrc
  Replies (19) Good night (1214) Bad night (2398)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.

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  (609): I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick. http://tfl.nu/i44q
  Replies (34) Good night (4749) Bad night (839)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Sacagawea was the original milf.

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  (952): Sacagawea was the original milf. http://tfl.nu/8vpz
  Replies (39) Good night (5344) Bad night (1033)
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  (916): View more from California

  Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?

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  (916): Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool? http://tfl.nu/8wpx
  Replies (15) Good night (6860) Bad night (1710)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.

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  (919): I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight. http://tfl.nu/fd4p
  Replies (4) Good night (1085) Bad night (2178)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic

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  (217): You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic http://tfl.nu/nxkw
  Replies (2) Good night (2738) Bad night (866)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence

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  (845): Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence http://tfl.nu/8d0r
  Replies (8) Good night (1470) Bad night (469)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?

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  (914): He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right? http://tfl.nu/6yne
  Replies (5) Good night (1395) Bad night (571)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good

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  (847): This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good http://tfl.nu/2hdv
  Replies (8) Good night (2108) Bad night (549)
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  (227): View more from Maryland

  I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.

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  (227): I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are. http://tfl.nu/7vs1
  Replies (4) Good night (1593) Bad night (583)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.

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  (+44): I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks. http://tfl.nu/6xxg
  Replies (0) Good night (990) Bad night (526)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...

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  (859): Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS... http://tfl.nu/5739
  Replies (8) Good night (1107) Bad night (519)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy

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  (314): A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy http://tfl.nu/x180
  Replies (3) Good night (775) Bad night (427)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.

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  (717): Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much. http://tfl.nu/y3yp
  Replies (3) Good night (889) Bad night (422)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.

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  (978): He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway. http://tfl.nu/9qaw
  Replies (2) Good night (649) Bad night (375)

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