I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.