Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
