This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My vagina is very pro this idea
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
