you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
