three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My bed smells like the plague
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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