I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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