Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
