I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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