Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
